Hair Envy

So a few weeks ago (actually I can be precise- it was four weeks yesterday, the date is pretty much etched in my brain) I endured a horrific assault on my hair, courtesy of 'The Nail Place' on 32 Musa far Adua Street in Lagos and at the hands of Jonathon- or as I like to call him 'my tormenter'. It was a crime which left me with rocking what my boyfriend likes to call 'the gender neutral pageboy'- suffice to say the hairstyle will not be taking off globally.

To give you a glimpse of what this butcher did he essentially divided my hair into two layers. Trimming the ends and then separating half the head (think if you will what you would do to make a half pony tail) then cut that section two inches shorter- leaving my with two very clear layers. Basically I have an apartheid situation going on between the crown and the nape. However, the horror did not end there. Despite the lack of rhyme or reason for his first offence he then committed a second. He parted my hair in the middle and then took a four inch wide section on the left side and cut it to just below my earlobe and then did the same to a one inch section on the right. It's very much a grown out bangs look/ Gerri Halliwell in the 90s/ Jonathon 'the lebanese butcher's' crimes against my head part two. 

Anyways, as you might have noticed it's been four weeks and although it's growing out.... FINALLY---- I actually got a weave the next day, not gonna lie. Only kept it for a day but it helped to briefly numb the pain (alright.... so admittedly I might be feeble but I did definitely puke and then dry when I got home from the crime scene- or as some call it 'Strands' next to 'The Nail Place' at 32 Musa far Adua Street..... ps. I hope I have made my disdain for the institution perfectly clear at this point)----- I am still distraught and that sadness only grows when I see pictures of lovely, brown, even hair such as this. 

I wouldn't trade the woman her fiancee but I would gladly take her hair..... fair and probably smile. But I'm mostly concentrating on the hair here. 

Maybe it's the fact that I am so sensitive to good hair.... given my situation- but I also wanted to point out that Kim Kardashian's hair is looking exceptionally good of late. Now granted these pictures were taken on Tuesday and Wednesday during her more than 24 hour date with Kanye West and granted Kanye West is a SUPER huge, massive, earth shattering douche bag of epic proportion but he appears to be having a fantastic effect on her hair- which I, obviously, am massively a fan of. It just looks so big and bouncy.

...... and just finally because I can't bring them up and not mention it- how awful would their children be!!!!!!! I imagine they would all be named after designers and clothes head to toe in branded baby garb.... I shudder to think. 

Kimmy K

I am a HUGE fan of Kim Kardashian's outfit here. Of course for me this would be more of a night out outfit rather than a casual lunch with the mom outfit, regardless though- spot on. Love the pop of color through the pink blazer. Well played Ms. Kardashian, well played.

Leather pants

Alright so the other day I bought a pair faux leather jeans having coveted them afar for some time. I was actually so excited about them that I wore them home from the store and when I got home I was informed by my boyfriend that they looked horrible and that only 1% of the world could ever look good in something like that and that I was not part of that 1%. I wasn't offended. He rarely says he dislikes what I'm wearing but when he does I appreciate it because I'd rather him just tell me then think it silently (I won't lie, most of the time I dress for him). 

His comment got me thinking though- are there certain pieces of clothing that should come with a warning: "only appropriate for super models". It's true there are are certain runway pieces that I would obviously never attempt but when  a piece takes over the high street, to the extent that leather and faux leather pants currently have, my initial opinion that it wouldn't suit me is broken down through repeated exposure to others pulling it off. Maybe I do need to remind myself what I originally thought, because I think when it comes to clothing first impressions are usually telling. I'm thinking of some kind of shopping thought journal. Because I have to say I saw these photos and did have to agree..... they just don't look that good when they are not on chopstick like thighs (sorry Kim).

Things Kim Kardashian should not do: (1) go out in public without a bra

Kim Kardashian has a fake tan disaster

Kim Kardashian stepped out in New York this weekend rocking some SERIOUS fake tan- a total disaster. Her face seems to getting lighter with time generally (this current fake town disaster just accentuates it)- has anyone else noticed that?

I do LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the outfit though. Particularly the aqua Chanel- stunning!

Kim Kardashian's assets

So I was going through Kim Kardashian's twitter pictures (trying to erase the memory of THAT fashion disaster from my mind) and I saw this one and I was overrun by some MAJOR boob envy.

Someone has been eating (and botoxing) waaaaaaaaaay too much- also the dress.... awful

And I thought that was a TERRIBLE photo.... the dress (reminds me somewhat of Julia Roberts' Oscar dress from when she won for Erin Brokovich and made that fabulous acceptance speech of expletives and refused to get off the stage- priceless...... but obviously just a terrible rendition of it)- I mean I can't say enough about how much I hate this dress. The cut, that slit at the thigh, the material, the color (that black band around her breasts is NOT flattering)- it's just all hideous. The jewelry is just horrid. The hair is awful (can you say Croydon facelift much....). There just no redeeming feature and this has to be the worst I've seen Kim look in recent time. She looks beyond cosmetically altered and a bit on the chubs side (admittedly more than a bit).

Kim Kardashian confuses October 6th 2011 with October 6th 1970

The newly minted Mrs. Kim Humphries stepped out today in an incredibly unflattering seventies throwback outfit. Sometimes she takes it too far.... yesterday was one of those days.

I would rather be flat than.....

Look like this....

Kim Kardashian on her way to a Midori party in LA... the day before her Bachelorette party.

Kim Kardashian= NOT pretty

So here is Kim Kardashian arriving makeup free to a photo shoot on July 9th...... Now I ask you this.... Is this REALLY what America finds SOOOO attractive?!

I'm not going to lie. I've never found the girl attractive. The ass frightens me. I think it's self preservation. I'm worried it might cause a solar eclipse. Then the flab.... some call it boobs but it also comes along with bingo wings, belly and back fat and that just makes me feel ill. I'm not denying that she looks nice when all the wobbly bits are all wedged into shape wear, when she's rocking a face full of makeup, a head full of hair extensions, six inch heels and a body con dress (usually ALL at mid-day) BUT I argue that this is not a naturally beautiful girl.... or really a beautiful girl at all.

Charlotte Casiraghi vs. Kim Kardashan: how to NOT wear Gucci.

So this is how to wear Gucci, courtesy of Charlotte Casiraghi of Monaco. I think the skirt looked better on the runway, just because it clearly is not intended for practical use BUT I totally adore the top. I think is looks amazing on her, showing us those amazing collar and breast bones WITHOUT being overly revealing (again, Kate Middleton take note this is how you do modern sexy as a Princess). And of course the color.... purple, it's just ah-may-zang!

As you can see from this runway photo the skirt looks significantly better, seemingly simply due to the fact that the skirt is not intended for practical use. 

Annnnnnnnd this is how NOT to wear Gucci, as modeled by Kim Kardashian OR alternatively how to look like a stuffed sausage IN Gucci, by Kim Kardashian (you know the girl loves a good branding opportunity!). Why on earth did she wear this?! It looks so uncomfortable, honestly in the second photo it looks like her flesh is literally fighting to get out of the belted area (and somewhat succeeding). Ughhhh it's just almost so bad I want to keep looking but I have to look away because it's not even that I'm being mean I just feel like it must literally be painful the outfit is so ill fitting.