So Crystal Harris and High Hefner broke up...
Annnnnd I'm pretty sure that the only shocking thing about that statement is that I'm uttering it prior to their wedding date rather than after.
With five days left to go any one else think that the statement that there was no pre nup is bull?
Regardless for all of celbopervs out there here are some pics of Crystal and Hef. Let's watch their relationship (and her face) evolve together.
So here we have Crystal at the beginning of the relationship. I would like to point out that she is (a) the least attractive girl in this picture (b) the most covered up and (c) the farthest from Hef..... that was all about to change.
I'm not sure what's going on with her face. I'm not sure if she had a sketchy skin implant at one point because I find the shape of her head generally offensive. There is also the MASSIVE forehead which the soon to appear hair extensions will shortly fix. BUT I wold also like to point out the clear affects of botox on that forehead... honestly it looks like a bowling ball... which is great but girlfriend's got bigger issues than a few premature wrinkles. I would have suggested she put that $500 towards a decent dye job.
Because her main man stepped in and got her a new nose and some sweet new tits! All of a sudden she was standing next to him and the twins were shafted to the side.
Crystal is apparently born in 1986 which makes her 24 (and one year older than me), and also 60 years Hef's junior. I'm not debating the fact that she's younger than him... she clearly is BUT I think she looks a lot older than 24....
Now we can really see the new breast implants and the long hair extensions to match,
The happy family...
Then the twins rapidly expanded and just like the blimps they so resembled they shorts took flight. Leaving Crystal as Hef's one and only girlfriend.
Clearly Crystal was super excited about this promotion because she decided to let her body go and concentrate on enhancements to her face.... (potentially a sly strategy to avoid sex with a man, albeit your fiancee, who is 60 years your senior and likely riddled with VDs, while still appearing attractive to the world).
Crystal at this point apparently decided that she wanted to emulate the joker because all of a sudden her smile doubled in size, she got longer extensions and some brand new veneers (I'm guessing that when the other girls absconded she got a raise...., although $1000 a week could probably keep you looking 'this good' when your clothes are this cheap).
what the f*ck.....
Now I'm wondering here if girlfriend has a SECOND rhinoplasty or whether this is it finally settling. I'm on the fence on whether it looks adorable OR too pinched.
I KNOW! 24 MY ASS! Either Crystal's plastic surgeon decided to look like she was in her mid to late 30s or someone has done some slick lying about her age. Alternatively I think that Crystal might be asking her plastic surgeon to make her look like Meg Ryan (post surgery).... or going to Meg Ryan's surgeon (both equally bad calls) because the mouth is just insane.
I wanted this bag.... annnnnnd now I don't.
Their last public appearance...
