Dear Lauren Goodger,
Today I checked the news only to be assaulted once again by your grotesque form. Kindly please refrain from staging photo ops of yourself when you are less than barely clothes. The ones of you clothed are bad enough but nobody should have to be subjected to this. I actually pity your fiancee (by all accounts a grade A douche bag) purely for the fact that he is likely subjected to this sight on a somewhat less than regular basis. I didn't know that he os blind and or a masochist but these photos make it clear that he is one of the two. Moreover, I am confused as to how you live with yourself when you are objectively so unfit but also subjectively FAR less fit than your fiancee. I would suggest that if you want to put those cheating rumors to a rest perhaps you should take care of yourself a bit better. Perhaps then the media wouldn't be so inclined to believe that he would cheat on you with anything that walks (I am still awaiting a claim to be made that he defiled some piece of shrubbery or a lamp post.... surely he must have exhausted ever woman in Essex by now).
Best regards and with the warmest intentions,
Katie
