So my least favorite ogre has freed herself from her prison of krispy kremes, oreos, lard and goose fat to crawl out of her cave of obesity and despair to inflict her morbid form on me AGAIN today. Has this woman no shame!!!!! Well I will give her points for wearing a one piece. Thank you Lauren that was very kind. But what the ogre giveth the ogre also taketh away because soon after she peeled her rapidly expanding excuse for a female form off her fiancee's leg (I can only imagine that it was withered and in seriously pain) she donned a short skirt and decided to flash a little vag. Luckily she had underwear on as I don't know if I would have lived to tell the tale had I seen the ogre's loins. I feel like the filth would have burned me (I'm thinking True Blood style- vampire walking into the sun) OR alternatively I would have been forced to gauge out my eyes and end my own existence for fear of ever re living such a moment again.
Today started off well with the one piece. There was a shining beacon of hope on the horizon. For a minute I thought I could actually tolerate this woman. But then there was the vag AND THE KISS. Oh gosh the KISS! The kiss reminded me that this woman is freely able to reproduce. Soon there could be tiny little ogres running about. An small army of eye defilers (I'm imagining them as terribly bloated versions of Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka but orange skinned- like Lauren- and with little Essex accents. The image is at once both hilarious and deeply disturbing).
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and Lauren will discover the wonders of either a muumu or, far preferably, a burkha. If there ever was a time of a place for a Burkha she and this is it.
ps. If you want to further torment yourself check out those cankles....
