This post is a plea for those world citizens with a heart and a sense of compassion to rise up and free Amy Childs' Birkin from its current status as hostage to a scion of fashion depravity.
For those of you who have yet to have the pleasure of meeting this flame haired fashion flounder dry your eyes for I will happily give you a run down here. Amy Childs can to public attention on the regional reality show 'The Only Way Is Essex' (aka. a poor man's 'Made In Chelsea' or a more cosmetically enhanced version of 'Geordie Shore'). Some of you exclaim "but guru she's a reality star what do you expect" WELL let me tell you exactly what I expect- common decency. Just because you may have been raised by wolves and have decided to sell your dignity for the price of notoriety does not entitle you to a free pass. Rather, it entitles me to an all encompassing personal critique (made of course in the public interest) for the purpose of allowing you to better yourself.
Back to our little flame fired filly though... not only is she a sartorial disaster but she has also attracted my scorn for her abuse of the English language (pretty much my fav). Some of her most notable phrases include "well jell" (translation: very jealous), "honey" (which she uses to replace the object of almost any sentence) and "vajazzle" (the art of applying rhinestones to a vagina- something she considers herself to be the "queen" of). She has also famously stated that the capital of India was Pakistan.... on the upside though apparently was a star of the Essex County Table Tennis Team as a teenager.... so I guess we can at least claim solace in the fact that she's adept at handling small balls....
But back to the outfit...
(1) Birkin abuse- enough said. I think in today's example is fairly self evident.
(2) The hair.... Jessica Rabbit is pretty much trounces her in regard to pulling off this look which is pretty mortifying... considering Jessica Rabbit is... a cartoon rabbit.
(3) The coat..... I am actually conflicted as to which accessory I pity more. The animal whose hide was made into a Birkin (as far as post death jobs go- not a bad one) only to be touted by a failed Jessica Rabbit impersonator OR the fur coat which looks like it was severely abused post death and then wrapped around a failed Jessica Rabbit impersonator.
(4) I f*ing HATE when people where jeans without a belt. Rule of thumb- think of your belt belt loops like your private parts.... they should NEVER be exposed to the world.
(5) This isn't strictly outfit but I'm going to validate throwing it in as I consider plastic surgery to be an accessory (legit I feel).... her cheeks look like they need a swift pin prick and an exodus. Too much filler. In fact I would suggest that you attempt to return that filler from whence it came and exchange it for a belt, stat.
