Alright needed to get a bit of a rant in. Do you know when you have ONE weird hang up. Literally one physical trait that, however pretty the rest of the individual possessing it may be, just ruins them for you. You can’t look past it. It’s just so horrendous that you want to look away but instead you marvel at its transformative effect like you’re analyzing the Elephant Man? To Seinfeld and George Costanza those traits were many: big hands, big mouths, quite speech- the list is pretty much never ending. But for me, for me it is one solitary feature THE ODDLY OUT OF PROPORTION CALF!
What is with this?! Women’s who’s calves basically consist of a slow tapering from ankle to thigh with no discernible definition or game plan of their own. It’s like the calf thought fuck it- there’s a foot, a thigh, that’s good enough. Well I’m sorry but it’s not, it’s just not.
It’s an issue which has plagued me for years. It’s the reason I wasn’t able to see Beyonce as attractive until she got pregnant- yes oddly that solved the calf issue, the reason I refuse to view Rihanna as anything more than sexy (you can be sexy with weird calves, just not beautiful) and the reason I analyze my calves with a sense of self loathing purely reserved for them.
You can therefore imagine my shock and dismay this morning when I opened up the Daily Mail to see THESE atrocities staring directly at me, tempting me to be sick (an ambition that the PMS cramps and African related stomach unease were completely on board with) in disgust. Well I held my food and emotions down, saving them up as they stewed and boiled to unleash them on this paper. WHY, WHY?! Wear some heels, walk up stairs, just bounce up and down ANYTHING but not this.
…. On a side note I would just like to add that it’s unsurprising her calves weren’t included on the Sports Illustrated cover…. Just saying!
