APOLOGIES. APOLOGIES. APOLOGIES!
Dear readers,
Please accept my most sincere and heartfelt apologies! I am so sorry that I have been away for so long HOWEVER I have had much going on since speaking to you last. Tomorrow, after many appointments and much agonizing (including a dream in which I decided that John Stamos was the best person to fix my nose) I have decided to have my septum fixed. For those who do not know what a septum is, fear not your ignorance is not repugnant. Few know, fewer care. Essentially a septum helps you breathe properly ergo at the moment I am more akin to a lowly evolved fish than a human as I am a self confessed mouth breather. Yes, that is right. I who judge those who wear slippers south of King Street do indeed breath through my mouth. The hypocrisy I know. HOWEVER as of tomorrow I will be a bona fide breather and I will also have my very own push present a la Rachel Zoe.
Push present: push present (also known as a "push gift" or "baby bauble") is a present a new father gives a new mother when she gives birth to their child. In practice the present may be given before or after the birth, or even in the delivery room. The giving of push presents has supposedly grown in the United States in recent years.
Rachel Zoe: an ultra thin, malnourished grape eque, large bag totting, huge glasses wearing, anorexia promoting stylist to the stars.
Unlike Rachel Zoe's my push present will not come with diamonds and a band, nor with a wrinkly hand. Instead it will come with two nostrils. Yes that's right my friends. If you couldn't guess from the title of this entry, or the massive photo of a rhino accompanying it, I will be getting a new nose come tomorrow. True story. Pictures of my all time celebrity noses are to follow. Until then happy NoMay (a subtle play on words hinting that this weather could hardly be considered May worthy but also that this month has been retitled nose month in honor of my new accessory!
